Tonya Watts - Handcuff My Soul (2008)

I have to admit, I enthusiastically enjoyed my experience venue hopping in Nashville two years ago. A favorite memory, and one that I need to relive. In fact, I enjoyed Nashville's live music fervency so much, that it provoked a habit of paying attention to the Nashville "buzz" and monitoring artists that periodically bubble to the surface of the country / southern-rock stew. Hence this unlikely review. Tonya Watts, who has the look of a Dixie Deborah Harry (circa 1977) crossed with Pamela Anderson, generates her own mixture of white-trashy country / southern-rock and dirty, misfit-nonconformist “glam” (self-proclaimed) rock... which actually serves as a compliment in this context… I think. Anyway, the lyrics off of Handcuff My Soul are both outrageous and hilarious. With songs titles like "Whore," "Go Go," and "Inside of Me," consisting of lyrics such as, "Alabama! I looovvve me some Alabammaaaa... I'm from Alabama and I will fuck you up!" & "You know you like it / You know that you want more / I wanna be your wife / I wanna be your whore" it is really hard to take Watts seriously, even when she slows it down and attempts to sound serious. There are so many amusingly quotable lyrics, I don't have the time or space to share them all, but I can easily imagine bleach-blond, Midwestern, teenage girls driving around in American trucks shrieking: "I'm easily stimulated for short periods of time!" Yeah… aren’t we all. So, what do you do with an album like this? Ignore it? Hell no!—that's like ignoring good-quality standup comedy. Embrace it? Not that either—that would simply be irrational and bring all the meaningful relationships in your life to a screeching halt. I guess all I can say is: It would have been kick-ass to see Watts live in Nashville.

For unchaste lyrical amusement, check out the pornographic country musical "Whore," or for a southern-rock ditz anthem, "Alabama Crimson."